By The Arsenal Addict – Chief Sufferer, Timeline Specialist, Full-Time Hater of Martin Taylor
February 23, 2008.
The tackle. The scream. The end of a dream.
In our world, that was the day it all unravelled.
Eduardo’s leg went one way, our title hopes the other.
Gallas sat on the pitch like a man who just saw the ghost of Herbert Chapman.
And we…? We spiraled.
But not in this timeline.
In this universe, Martin Taylor misjudges the angle.
Misses Eduardo by inches.
No red card. No broken bones. Just a Croatian striker rising, finishing, and shushing the St. Andrew’s crowd like he’s Thierry’s heir.
The Domino Effect of Not Breaking a Man’s Leg:
- Eduardo scores 12 more that season – absolute heat-check form.
- We beat Birmingham 3-0 – Gallas lifts the lads, not sulking like he lost a lottery ticket.
- We don’t drop points in 5 of our next 6.
- United never catch us. Chelsea barely get a sniff.
And then… we roll.
The Return of the Invincibles – Part Deux
We go unbeaten.
Again.
But this time, no draws against Wigan or Portsmouth.
This time, we learned from 2004.
This time, the badge is gold and so is the football.
Cesc captains the charge.
Eduardo finishes with 27 goals.
Bendtner’s still useless, but who cares when Rosicky’s knees hold up and Hleb plays like a Balearic Iniesta?
And Who Do We Beat on the Final Day?
You guessed it: Manchester United.
At Old Trafford.
3-1.
Eduardo scores two and kisses the grass.
Sir Alex retires early out of sheer spite.
Final Thought from the Addict
They said we were soft.
They said we had no bottle.
They said Wenger’s philosophy couldn’t win again.
In this universe, we shut them all up.
With style. With swagger. With an unbroken striker and an undefeated season.
Martin Taylor never touches Eduardo.
And Arsenal?
Arsenal never look back.
Next up: Parallel Files III – The One Where Wenger Actually Signs Cristiano Ronaldo… and Spurs move to the Scottish League out of shame.
