By The Arsenal Addict – Still Dreaming, Still Screaming, Still Petty
It’s 2003
The hair is blonde. The stepovers are dizzying. The arrogance? Off the charts.
Sir Alex wants him.
But wait so does Wenger.
In our timeline?
We offered him a tour of Colney and a “long-term development plan.”
United offered him cash, glory, and Nicky Butt’s parking spot.
And the rest is history, right?
WRONG.
Welcome to the Real Timeline (The One That Matters)
In this universe, David Dein moves fast.
Very fast.
While Ferguson is still negotiating over Kleberson and Bellion, Arsenal sign Cristiano Ronaldo for a modest fee and one pair of Thierry Henry’s custom boots.
Boom.
CR7 is a Gunner.
The Effects Are Immediate and Devastating
- 2003/04: He learns from Henry, worships Pires, and nutmegs Phil Neville just for the thrill.
- We go Invincible – and Ronaldo scores 15 off the bench.
- 2005: He bulks up, adds 10 goals, and becomes Wenger’s secret weapon.
- 2006: Instead of sulking at United, he’s scoring in the Champions League Final for Arsenal.
- We beat Barcelona.
- Jens doesn’t get sent off because Ronaldo scores before halftime.
The Spurs Fallout
Ronaldo’s second goal in a 5–0 North London Derby triggers a full-on existential crisis at Tottenham.
Daniel Levy panics.
Harry Redknapp resigns mid-interview.
They finish 17th.
To “rebuild morale,” they request to join the Scottish Premiership.
They lose to Hibernian and Hearts.
They still finish 8th.
Meanwhile, in Manchester…
Sir Alex weeps.
United sign Ricardo Quaresma instead.
It does not go well.
Without Ronaldo, Real Madrid struggle.
The Galácticos fade.
And Arsenal?
We enter the golden age.
Back-to-back Premier Leagues.
Two Champions Leagues.
CR7 lifts the Ballon d’Or wearing red and white.
And says:
“I owe everything to Mr. Wenger. Even the abs.”
Final Word from the Addict
We were that close.
All we needed was a pen and some urgency.
In this universe, we got both.
Spurs?
Well… they got beat by Dundee United.
Everyone wins.
Except Tottenham. As it should be.
