By The Red Devil Ranter – United in Chaos, Arsenal in Denial
Ah, Arsenal.
The only club in world football that can finish second, cry like they won a treble, and then release a behind-the-scenes documentary to celebrate…bottling it.
So here’s the thing. I don’t just dislike Arsenal. I detest them.
Not because they’re our biggest rivals, they’re not, but because they act like they’re football royalty, when in reality they’re one well-timed Saka injury away from being Crystal Palace with a nicer stadium.
Punching above their weight? Mate, Arsenal live above their weight This is a club that genuinely believes it’s better than it is.
They walk around like they’re Real Madrid in disguise, when they’re really just Aston Villa with a louder fanbase and an unhealthy obsession with a Jack Wilshere YouTube compilation from 2011.
Trophy Cabinet with Dust Allergies
Let’s do the honours:
- Zero Champions Leagues
- Zero Europa Leagues
- One FA Cup in the last how-many-years? After spending over £1 billion
Premier League:
- 2023: Second place
- 2024: Second place again
- 2025: Still second
That’s not dominance. That’s financial fair play cosplay.
They’ve thrown money around like City, except instead of landing Haaland, they ended up with Kai Havertz playing hide-and-seek with his own position
Arteta?
Absolute toolbag. Walks around like he’s Guardiola with hair.
He’s out of his technical area more than Tom Cruise is out of planes, arms flailing, barking instructions like he’s directing Oppenheimer from the touchline
AFTV: The Football Soap That Never Ends
Let’s talk about the weekly circus.
AFTV is what would happen if Jeremy Kyle and FIFA Ultimate Team had a baby.
Every week it’s just “this club is in the mud” followed by a new TikTok dance when they scrape a 2-1 win over Wolves.
Weapons-grade reactionary nonsense.
It’s like watching Shakespeare…if Shakespeare wrote exclusively in all caps with a vape pen.
Final Word from The Ranter
So let me spell it out:
- You’re not Real Madrid.
- You’re not the footballing equivalent of Apple.
- You’re a billion-pound soap opera with a fanbase allergic to perspective, and a manager who thinks vibes = legacy.
Congratulations on almost being champions.
Again.
