By The Red Devil Ranter
Look, as a United fan, it physically pains me to praise players who’ve made my weekends miserable. But credit where it’s due: Far East Asia has given the Premier League some absolute ballers. Some were United heroes. Others? Emotional terrorists.
Here are my top 5 – not based on PR fluff or shirt sales, but what they actually did on the pitch. Even if it hurt.
Park Ji-Sung – The Human Battery Pack
Club Manchester United
Defining Moment Man-marking Pirlo into a philosophy degree
Let’s get this out the way: Park Ji-Sung is criminally underrated. Not flashy, not loud, but everywhere. If Fergie told him to track a fly, Park would’ve shadowed it into retirement.
He scored against Arsenal, Milan, Chelsea, you name it, always in the big games. You want a player who ran 12km then asked if extra time was an option? That’s Park.
Verdict Football’s most loveable assassin. Covered more ground than British Airways.
Son Heung-min – The Smiling Nightmare
Club Spurs
Defining Moment Solo goal vs Burnley (and basically every time he played against us)
I hate how much I rate him. Quick, clinical, and makes Maguire look like he’s running through porridge. Even in a Spurs team that collapses under pressure like a £2 camping chair, Son has shined.
The 2020 demolition of United? Two goals, one assist, and a look on his face like he was just out for a jog. Disgusting levels of composure.Verdict If he played for us, he’d already have a statue. Instead, I have PTSD.
Shinji Kagawa – The One That Got Away (Because Moyes)
Club Manchester United
Defining Moment Hat-trick vs Norwich (2013)
Kagawa was footballing sushi in a pub league. Beautiful to watch, intelligent, technically unreal. Dortmund knew what to do with him. Fergie almost figured it out. Then Moyes showed up with his “cross and hope” philosophy and turned Shinji into a ghost.
That Norwich hat-trick? Sublime. Right foot, left foot, dink – the man had sauce. Too bad we drowned it in gravy.
Verdict Wrong time, wrong system, right talent. RIP to what could’ve been.
Hidetoshi Nakata – The Cult Icon Who Briefly Hit Bolton
Club Bolton Wanderers
Defining Moment Showing flashes of genius even past his prime in the Prem
By the time Nakata hit England with Bolton, he was already past his prime, but you could still see the quality oozing out of him. The touch, the vision, the swagger. Sam Allardyce loved a marquee oddball signing, and Nakata brought that bit of flair to the Reebok.
Sure, he wasn’t Serie A Nakata anymore, but even in England he had moments where you just thought: “Bloody hell, that’s class.” A player you respected even if he wasn’t at full power.
Verdict A legend whose aura still carried weight. Even at half-speed, he looked smoother than most.
Kaoru Mitoma – The New Entry, The Dribbling Menace
Club Brighton & Hove Albion
Defining Moment Turning defenders into traffic cones on the wing
This guy’s only been in the league a couple of seasons, but he’s already a nightmare. Mitoma’s dribbling is like a cheat code, defenders get twisted so bad they look like they’re chasing shadows in a hall of mirrors.
Brighton spotted him, polished him, and suddenly every top six fan is begging their club to nick him. United included. Watching him skin full-backs makes me both impressed and deeply jealous.
Verdict Still early days, but if this trajectory continues, he’s walking into Far East Premier League folklore.
Red Devil Ranter’s Final Whistle
We talk a lot about “global reach” these days, but these lads didn’t come here to sell shirts, they came to ball. Park was our hero, Son is our tormentor, Kagawa was a wasted Mona Lisa, Nakata was class even on the decline, and Mitoma? He’s just getting started.
United could do worse than sign another one, ideally one that won’t be benched by a manager who thinks pressing is an ironing technique.
