The scene opens on a leather wingback chair. A crystal tumbler of an amber liquid rests on a side table. LE PROFESSOR adjusts his cuffs, clears his throat, and addresses the camera directly.
Greetings, pupil, and welcome to the only seminar that matters. You may have stumbled here by luck, but you will stay by necessity.
You may refer to me as Le Professor. The honorific is not self-bestowed, it is a title bestowed not by an institution, but by the only authority that counts: the overall FPL rankings. It was earned through a season of flawless tactical nuance, a soaring team value, and the deafening silence of my mini-league rivals as my Bench Boost chip delivered a truly pedagogical points haul.
A moment of pure artistry, really.
You are here because you seek knowledge. You seek the elusive formula that separates the mundane “team owner” from the tactical virtuoso. You wish to learn from a master.
Let us be clear: this is not a “game.” This is a weekly exercise in superior intellect. It is a complex economy of form, fixture congestion, price fluctuations, and effective ownership. It is about seeing the “haul” before it happens while the masses are still staring at last week’s points.
My credentials? Impeccable. My trophy case? Burdened.
They call me arrogant. I call them accurate.
The casual manager, and I use the term manager loosely, as one might call a toddler with a crayon an artist – chases points. I anticipate them.
They panic-sell ahead of a blank gameweek. I have already navigated it with two free transfers and a well-planned chip
Do not mistake my grandeur for a lack of passion. This is not a game to me. It is a canvas. Each waiver wire addition is a brushstroke. Each start/bench decision is a note in a symphony. And my opponents? They are the unfortunate patrons who paid to see the symphony but cannot comprehend its genius. They provide the necessary friction.
The grit in the oyster that eventually produces the pearl of my continued brilliance.
Your core curriculum is delivered weekly in my flagship column: The Weekly Lecture. Within it, you will find my definitive captaincy verdict, the transfer thesis for the week ahead, a tactical breakdown of the fixture map, and the one differential who will make the masses weep.
Consider it your required reading.
The tuition is your focus. The curriculum is relentless.
Class is in session. Do try to keep up.
